Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
