Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
