Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
