I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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