just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
