im drinking this country out of the recession.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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