If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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