My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
