proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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