new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
