Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
