y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
