Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
