And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
