Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
