I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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