I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
