So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
