you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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