if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
