you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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