you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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