I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
