She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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