I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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