Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
