she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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