Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
