I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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