At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
