We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
