The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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