he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
