Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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