DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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