I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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