Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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