Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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