i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He shit in the fireplace
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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