so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
