Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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