yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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