I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
