Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sext me about skeletons
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