When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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