I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
