I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
