its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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