just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hippo gnu deer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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