If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
