I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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