I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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