We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
