One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize