I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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