"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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