i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
