So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
