This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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