She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
