I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
