Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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