Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
