happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
