The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
