Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
