I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
