I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
