White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
