If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
whose parrot is this?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
