4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
