Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
