you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
