Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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