fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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