So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
