I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
